August 9, 2008
I’ve been thinking a lot about attitude lately. My own, the attitudes of those close to me… just attitude. The thing is, it’s so easy to forget just how big a role it can play in how you live your life and in what you choose to let get to you.
I have never been a road rage kind of a girl. I don’t really care if I’m not going quite the speed limit because the guy in front of me has yet to make friends with his gas pedal. Whatever, I’ll get where I’m going eventually. Some people that I know, my husband and one of his friends in particular, let every other asshole on the road ruin their day. Someone cuts them off? They fly into a rage and honk and curse and talk about it for the next five blocks. Then everybody in the car is pissy and why? What the hell is the point? That asshole didn’t learn anything from the temper tantrum. That asshole didn’t even know there WAS a temper tantrum.
I have my weak attitude moments, too, don’t get me wrong. I’m not just posting here to rag on my poor husband. No no. Me? I’m an anxious ball of nerves. I let my need for approval and my fears of the unknown consume me until I want nothing more than to curl trembling in a corner where nobody can see me. I know that this does me no good whatsoever. I know it. I know that Joe Schmoe doesn’t realize that his sneer at me has left me feeling severely inadequate and that if he did know, he probably wouldn’t care. I know that my completely stupid fears are just that- completely stupid fears. And yet, I let them beat me down until I’m cranky, irritable and on edge.
I was talking to my husband today after he had a particularly rough day and I was getting frustrated because he does what a lot of people do. When something goes wrong, you let it shake you. Then, when something else goes wrong (and normally something that would barely attract your attention on any other day), it stacks up on the other wrong. Then another thing and another thing until you’re searching for bad things just so that you can prove that the world is against you and that your day is total shit. Well, yeah. If you’re looking that hard for trouble, you’re going to find it even if you have to invent it. You ruin your own day.
I need to work on my attitude.
If I go into the delivery room thinking that this labor and birth is going to be the most frightening and the most painful thing that I’ve endured, then it’s going to be and I will have only myself to blame for it. If I go into this thinking that it might hurt and that it might suck, but the end result is going to be this amazing little child and that she is going to be worth ten times the pain of every contraction, then THAT is going to be what I get out of this and that, my friends, is what I want.