Doormat
January 15, 2009
I’m angry. I’m really angry.
I forgive and I forgive and I forgive and over and over and over again it’s proving to be a mistake. At what point does being forgiving equal being a doormat? In what situation is it time to tell someone to fuck off - that they’ve had enough chances?
I’m getting really sick of feeling like shit because other people can’t think about me when they make choices that affect my life. It’s not that hard. Am I going to be pissed if you do what you’re about to do? Are you ready to deal with the aftermath of it? No? Then don’t FUCKING do it.
I am so tired of being walked on. I am so tired of being thought of as just an option. I am so tired of being angry and hurt and abused.
But I’m also too scared to walk away.
Oh, Courtney. I’m sorry. And what good thoughts there are to glean today I’m sending your way.
The older I get the less idealistic I am about forgiveness because, as you so aptly note, it’s worth very fucking little without actual change. I don’t want to be a bitter shit, but at the same time, why do people suck so much?
January 15th, 2009 at 1:14 pmOh, Courtney, that sounds awful. There are always people out there who figure out who they can walk all over and, by God, they do it. Again and again. I hope that you are soon able to either stop this treatment or walk away for good.
January 15th, 2009 at 2:07 pmOkay. I had to think about this for a long while before I commented. Here’s what I think:
I think that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I think that you can do without these kinds of people in your life.
I think that at some point, you’re going to realize that there are people out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated… like a queen.
And I think that there is a reason why all of this is happening, and if you open your heart and your mind… you will make the right decisions for you and your family.
I love you, and I’m here for you no matter what… you know that. And no matter what decisions you decide to make (because at this point, everything is up to you), I am there. 100%. To back you up.
Even if it involves a little asskicking.
Love, hugs, and peace of mind… sending all these things your way.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:19 pmHugs!
This is an entirely personal decision so I’m not going to offer any advice. I spent 2-1/2 years as a doormat before I finally walked away, so if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.
January 16th, 2009 at 11:18 amOh yikes. My heart and hope are with you.
January 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pmI agree with most everyone else. There comes a time when you have to do what’s best for you and your family. I am not going to try to tell you what that is. Good luck! xoxoxoxoxo
January 16th, 2009 at 1:38 pmGrrr, it’s sucks that being nice means that certain people decide it’s a way to walk all over you. Your friends are right, you are stronger than you think and when/if you decide to walk away, at least you will know that it’s the right thing because you’ve thought it through. That is one of the good things about being nice- it means you’re thoughtful. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Good luck…
January 16th, 2009 at 4:46 pmOh lady I’m sorry. I know what you speak of and it sucks. I won’t interject advice but I do want to say you have all my best wishes for getting this resolved.
January 17th, 2009 at 7:11 amI know what you’re saying and I know the position you’re in. It sucks and it’s scary. Call me if you need to.
January 17th, 2009 at 3:55 pmo one deserves to be treated as a doormat, least of all someone as smart and strong as you. There will come a time when you will feel the need to stand up for yourself. Don’t squash it down! Stand tall and stick to your guns. Don’t let these people walk over you and you will be better for it. Because no one needs people like that in their life.
January 17th, 2009 at 10:19 pmCourtenella, it sounds like you have a wonderful tribe of ladies here online that know you and care for you and want to help. That makes me happy. You are an amazing woman who deserves nothing but the best. I know you have other options, but I am just an email away if you need me. I have definitely had my fair share of door-matting. If that makes any sense.
I love you babe, take care of yourself and that beautiful little girl!!
-k
January 18th, 2009 at 7:34 pmFear is mostly based on unknown factors. If you new 100% what the result of a decision would be, you’d rarely be afraid. You would weigh the outcomes and easily define the best case. Unfortunetly life doens’t work that way. It seems at times there are a million possibilities and often there is no clear “best”. When I find myself in this position I tend to wallow in the what if’s for a while. Then I sit down and make a list (because you know I love lists
of what I know to be 100% true. When I’m reminded of everything I do know the unknown isn’t as scary. For me the list usually starts something like below. I’m guessing yours might be similar…
1. I am a strong and occasionally brilliant woman.
2. I have and will survive the obstacles in my life at whatever cost.
3. I have friends and family that will stand by me no matter what. I can call some of them at 3AM to cry or for bail money or to bury a body if need be. And though I haven’t tested that last one… I still know it 100%.
4. I have to love and take care of myself. If I don’t, I’m cheating the people that depend on me.
5. etc, etc
Usually by the time I’m done writing the list I have a solution for whatever made me sit down in the first place. Often I had already known the answer - I just needed to remember why I should trust my instincts.
Take care and keep faith in yourself.
-Ellen
January 18th, 2009 at 9:18 pmI am a little late, but I think Megs and Ellen said it all beautifully anyway. I am a great believer in forgiveness and second chances and choosing to see the best. I’m also a great believer in standing up for one’s self and enforcing consequences and dealing with what it is instead of what we wish it could be. Hang in there and be brave … you’ll be OK.
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 am